Kanwal had just returned from her madrassah when her mother stopped at the gate and told her that some visitors were there to meet her. She sighed as she realized it was once again a trolley trip. Kanwal hated these trolley trips as many suitors had come and objected to her wearing an abaya and scarf. She loved covering herself up for the love of Allah and never wanted to leave it.

Half-heartedly, she got ready and went into the kitchen where the trolley was already prepared. Upon entering the drawing room, she said salam in an audible voice and while serving the guests she realized that TAYYAB, the head of the HR department from her office, was the suitor!

Dressed up in a light blue kameez shalwar, he was sitting on the front sofa with his parents. His beard was shiny as always. He had a matching namaz cap on his head, and his shalwar was well above his ankles. The mark on his forehead was proof of his regular prayers. He smiled slightly upon making eye contact. He was discussing some shariah compliance topics with her father. His aura could mesmerize anyone, and her father was no exception.

Suddenly, his mother made Kanwal sit next to her and took a bangle from her arm and put it into Kanwal’s. Everybody started congratulating her and shoving mithai in her mouth. She was in shock and couldn’t process what had just happened. She ran inside her room where all her cousins surrounded her. She could hear the adults discussing possible dates for the nikkah.

That night, she received a message from an unknown number. “Assalam u alaikum Kanwal, this is Tayyab. Congratulations. I hope you don’t mind me messaging you,” he said. Oh My Gosh! How polite! What good manners! She was over the moon. After waiting for her breathing to normalize, she congratulated him back but also said that she didn’t think they should be chatting like this. “Come on, don’t be a spoil sport. We are today’s generation, and if I, being an older and more religious person, am guiding you on something, then you shouldn’t doubt it. Is this why your first engagement was broken…Because you behaved like an old soul? I shouldn’t have texted you in the first place, my bad!”. Kanwal panicked and said, “I was just teasing you, obviously I have no reason not to talk to you. I am  really sorry, I said what I said.”

From this day, a new activity started; Tayyab would message her, and they would chat for hours until the wee hours of the morning. One day he said, “The day I saw you without your abaya in regular clothes I felt like hugging you. I really want to do it soon.”
Kanwal felt a surge of emotions that she had never experienced before. The next message took her by surprise, “Send me a picture of you with your hair open.” Kanwal was about to say no…when she remembered how he had gotten pissed off upon her refusal to talk with him…she reluctantly put on her lipstick took a selfie and pressed send. As soon as she pressed SEND, she felt someone had squeezed her heart real bad….she had a bad feeling. She took a deep breath and tried to fall asleep.

The next day when she went to madrassah, the HADITH that the alima bajee taught was about when two na-mahrams are together, the third in that space is the shaitan, and how he puts lusty ideas in the mind of the two na-mahrams and makes them do evil. Kanwal was disturbed upon hearing today’s lecture and kept sitting even after the lecture when all the girls had left. Alima bajee smiled at her and asked, “Are you okay, Kanwal? You look lost.”

She found her voice and said, “Bajee, this Hadith is about the physical meeting of na-mahrams, but what about chatting and talking to na-mahrams?” Bajee smiled at her and said, “Wherever two na-mahrams are alone, the third is the shaitan, whether in a physical meeting, over a call or even  on messages. In earlier times, this technology was not there, hence it is not specifically mentioned, but the context is the same.”

“But what if two people are meant to be married? Then it’s okay to talk to your fiancé so that you can understand each other better before marriage and get to know each other’s perspectives about different things, right? And it’s not as if they are talking about anything bad which they shouldn’t…it’s just simply an exchange of ideas?” she asked, hoping Bajee would agree.

“There is no concept of engagement in Islam. There is only Nikah. Before Nikah, they are na-mahram, no matter what. There is no need to exchange ideas because even if you know someone for decades, how they will behave as a spouse will only be evident once two start living together as husband and wife. Nobody starts sharing prohibited stuff at the first go; emotional attachment is gradually created, and then stuff happens. Shaitan kicks in nasty ideas in the weak moments. Let’s suppose emotional feelings have developed between two individuals and God forbid they don’t end up marrying….then what? A. If they CLICK, the girl would hold a special place for the guy, and whenever she marries, she will keep on comparing her spouse with the special friend. And if they don’t click, they will hold special knowledge about each other which only spouses should know and be in constant fear that it may be leaked at any time. B. Thoughts of a female about CERTAIN TOPICS are like her undergarments. They should be well hidden and be evident only to the SPOUSE. If special friends don’t end up marrying, how will she face Allah subhana wa ta’ala? She can’t risk exposing her sacred self to a na-mahram and be a gunehgaar forever in the eyes of Allah subhana wa ta’ala.”

Kanwal was more confused than ever. “But Bajee, if they are engaged, it means they are bound to be married…it’s almost like they are married, no?”

“No, Kanwal, without Nikah, there is no marriage as per Islamic laws. Humans plan, and Allah plans, and verily Allah is the best planner. If HE has ordered us to follow something, there is some hikmah in it. In Allah’s teachings, there are no ifs and no buts…we have to accept things just the way they have been ordered by Almighty Allah.
Always remember before Nikah what the other person is telling you/ showing you/ portraying infront of you is ONE side of the coin, the GOOD side. You get to see both sides only after the nikkah when you start living with the person.”

Kanwal had finally understood that what was happening between Tayyab and her shouldn’t have happened because Allah doesn’t allow any such thing before Nikah. With firm determination not to entertain any such activity, she headed home.

It was the weekend, and her cousins came over for a slumber party, so she didn’t get time to talk to Tayyab. Monday was a busy day at the office…she had back-to-back meetings. Kanwal had just gotten done with one of the meetings when the office-boy told her there was some lady waiting to meet her. She was greeted by an abaya-clad lady in full niqaab, with just tiny slits for the eyes visible. She looked quizzically at the lady. She said, “My name is Maya. I am Tayyab’s wife. And this is our son, Arham” she said, while pointing to a picture. Kanwal felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. Maya offered her water from the table and stroked her arm. Kanwal quickly gulped down the water. “Tayyab was my class fellow at the university. And since I had US citizenship, he used me to get citizenship in the US. He was a porn addict, an occasional alcohol drinker who would beat me when high and then apologized, saying that shaitan made him do it. He cheated on me first during my pregnancy, when confronted he said Shaitan made me do it because you don’t have time for me, you are busy doing the job and looking after the home, also you aren’t well because of the pregnancy. I asked for forgiveness ..and started giving him more attention. The second time when I caught him having a physical affair with a woman, he said he wanted to have polygamy. I tried talking to you about it, but since you were so much against halal second marriage…haram became an easy option. Shaitan made me do it.”
Maya took a deep breath, “Guess what I did…I said okay, you may have a second wife. The very next day he invited a girl four years younger than him to our place. She was very much impressed by his persona and sang praises of our home. She did an amazing talk about how good co-wives we are going to be…and then I told her that the house that we live in, the car that he drove, even the shoes he wore were a gift from my parents. She was flabbergasted. And then I had to burst their bubble that the US doesn’t allow you to keep two wives, so you will have to keep her in some other city or place and that the lady better make arrangements for the place as he doesn’t earn much. To which Tayyab told me that since two marriages aren’t possible, he would simply do a Nikkah with the other one and keep her in my house. To which I simply refused. The lady got crazy threw a fit at him and left. That night he drank and beat me real bad. So much so that my son came out of his hiding space and with his little hands tried stopping him. He pushed him back, and in doing so, our Arham fell down the stairs. Tayyab ran downstairs. I thought he went to pick up Arham; rather, he went out the door. I was lying lifeless on the floor. With great difficulty, I came down and saw that my Arham was having a fit!
I called emergency services and my dad.
People at the hospital saw me all blue and black and filed a case of domestic abuse.
During that night in the hospital, one decision was made: I cannot live with him. Abusing me was one thing but doing it to my child was unbearable.
He was taken to jail and kept for a few days. His father bailed him out, and he was deported to Pakistan as my father appealed for his visa cancellation. And till this day, he has been so mad at me over that incident that he is not giving me a divorce.”

Kanwal offered her some water. Maya wiped her tears, drank the water, started taking out some pictures from her bag, and showed Kanwal pics of her wedding, the birth moments of Arham, and the three being together as a family. Kanwal couldn’t believe her eyes…Tayyab looked so innocent. “I am unable to accept all this he looks so religious, so down to earth, so considerate how can he be all this?” Always remember There are always two sides of a coin. You see only the side that you are facing, only that you are made to see. Not your fault at all. Completely human act.”
Maya explained with a smile. While rolling her eyes, she added, ” And then, we females become completely blind to even the most obvious Red Flags when we are in a relationship” they both giggled together.
“How did you know he was getting married to me?”Kanwal inquired.
“I still have a few friends in Pakistan who know the real me and what actually happened to me. One of them works in your office. When the news of Tayyab’s nikkah spread, she called me and told me that the girl is a sweetheart and if you don’t tell her and stop this, another Maya will be in the making. Ever since the incident I am on anti depressants, and CBT. I am unable to trust other people, I am unable to trust my decisions. I overwork so that I don’t have to think of the past….I couldn’t let other Maya be born.
Kanwal’s phone beeped. It was a voice note from Tayyab: “Hey babes! Where are you? Guess what? You are in luck today because I am in a good mood so..I wanted to inform you that we will have a video call tonight. Make arrangements accordingly. I don’t want to hear any ifs and buts. We are going to take our relationship one notch above today. Wear something interesting. Wink wink.”

Kanwal felt so ashamed.


Kanwal requested Maya to accompany her home so she could tell her parents about the entire thing. All along the drive, the words of the ustazah kept echoing in her mind: “Humans plan, and Allah plans, and verily, Allah is the best planner.” She kept wiping her tears and started chanting “Alhamdulilah.”

Kanwal was thankful that things hadn’t progressed any further; otherwise, she would have been so ashamed of herself. How would she have faced Allah subhana wa ta’ala if her emaan had failed her? She reached home and did a Sajda e Shukar.

Fatwa for Reference:

اجنبی مرد اور عورت کا تنہائی میں اکٹھا ہونا ہی جائز نہیں، چہ جائیکہ وہ ایک دوسرے کے جسم کو چھوئیں،  حضرت عمر رضی اللہ عنہ نبی کریم صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم سے نقل کرتے ہیں کہ آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے فرمایا :جب بھی کوئی مرد کسی اجنبی عورت کے ساتھ تنہائی میں یک جا ہوتا ہے تو وہاں ان میں تیسرا شیطان ہوتا ہے “۔(مشکوۃ )

یعنی  جب دو اجنبی مرد و عورت کہیں خلوت میں جمع ہوتے ہیں تو وہاں شیطان فورًا پہنچ جاتا ہے،  جو ان دونوں کے جنسی جذبات کو برانگیختہ کرتا رہتا ہے، یہاں تک کہ ان پر جنسی ہیجان کا غلبہ ہو جاتا ہے اور وہ بدرکای میں مبتلا ہو جاتے ہیں۔

اس  حدیث کا حاصل یہ ہے کہ تم کسی اجنبی عورت کے ساتھ خلوت میں یک جا ہونے کا کوئی موقع ہی نہ آنے دو کہ شیطان تمہارے درمیان آ جائے اور تمہیں برائی کے راستہ پر لگا دے۔(مظاہر حق)

لہذا کسی بھی مرد اور عورت کا یوں اکٹھے ہوناایک دوسرے کے جسم کو چھونا اور  ایک دوسرے سےتلذذ حاصل کرناحرام اور  سخت گناہ کبیرہ ہے، اپنے اس فعل پر توبہ واستغفار کرنا چاہیے اور اپنے آپ کو اس سے دور رکھنا لازم ہے۔فقط واللہ اعلم

فتوی نمبر : 144107200128

دارالافتاء : جامعہ علوم اسلامیہ علامہ محمد یوسف بنوری ٹاؤن

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Fatwa 2: نامحرم سے باتیں کرنا فون پر
سوال:آج کل کے ماحول میں بہت سے رشتے دار ایسے ہیں کہ نامحرم عورت یا لڑکی سے بات کرنا پڑتا ہے فون میں یا آمنے سامنے . میرا سوال یہ ہے کہ فون میں کس حد تک باتیں کی جا سکتی ہیں ۔ یا آمنے سامنے کس حد تک باتیں کی جا سکتی ہیں․ بات نہیں کرنے پر بھی دوسرے لوگ مجبوراً بات کرنے پر جبر کرتے ہیں رشتے کو برقرار رکھنے کے لیے، ایسی حالت میں کیا کیا جائے؟
جواب نمبر: 42147
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

فتوی: 1095-1074/N=12/1433 (۱) فون پر یا پردہ سے صرف ضرورت کے وقت بقدر ضرورت بات کرسکتے ہیں، بلا ضرورت یا مقدار ضرورت سے زائد بات چیت کی اجازت نہیں۔ (۲) کسی رشتہ دار یا غیر رشتہ دار لڑکی یا عورت کا بغیر پردہ کے کسی غیرمحرم کے سامنے آنا اور دونوں کا بات چیت کرنا شرعاً ہرگز درست نہیں۔ (۳) سخت مجبوری میں نگاہیں نیچی رکھتے ہوئے صرف خیر خیریت کی بات کرلے تو اس کی گنجائش ہوگی۔

واللہ تعالیٰ اعلم
دارالافتاء،
دارالعلوم دیوبند

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Fatwa 3 for reference

اگر کوئی نامحرم عورت مثلاً سگی چاچی اور مامی پردہ کے ساتھ یا برقعہ میں ہمارے سامنے بیٹھیں  ملنے اور بات چیت کرنے کی غرض سے تو یہ کیسا عمل ہے؟ جائز، ناجائز، مکروہ یا حرام؟

جواب
عورت کے لیے بلاضرورتِ شرعیہ نامحرم مرد سے بات چیت کرنا شرعاً درست نہیں ہے، خصوصاً شوہر  کی غیر موجودگی میں بات چیت کرنا شوہر کے حقوق میں خیانت اور سخت جرم ہے۔ اگر کبھی نامحرم سے بات چیت کرنے کی ضرورت پیش آجائے تو پردے کی آڑ میں یا باپردہ ہوکر، سخت لہجے اور آواز میں بات کرنی چاہیے، جیساکہ قرآنِ پاک  (سورہ احزاب) میں ازواجِ مطہرات  رضی اللہ عنہن کو  (امہات المؤمنین ہونے کےباجود) ہدایت کی گئی کہ اگر کسی امتی سے بات چیت کی نوبت آجائے تو نرم گفتگو نہ کریں؛ مبادا اس شخص کے دل میں کوئی طمع نہ پیدا ہوجائے جو دل کا مریض ہو، بلکہ صاف اور دوٹوک بات کہیں۔

چناں چہ فقہاء نے لکھا ہے کہ  اگر کسی ضرورت اور مجبوری سے نامحرم سے بات کرنی پڑے تو بہت مختصر بات کریں، ہاں، ناں کا جواب دے کر بات ختم کرڈالیں، جہاں تک ممکن ہو آواز پست رکھیں اور لہجہ میں کشش پیدا نہ ہونے دیں۔

لہذا  چچی یا مامی  بھی نامحرم ہیں تو ان سے بھی بلا ضرورت بات کرنا جائز نہیں ہے اور اگر بات کرنے کی ضرورت پیش آجائے تو  ضرورت کے بقدر بات کریں۔

صاحبِ در مختار لکھتے ہیں:

” فإنا نجيز الكلام مع النساء الأجانب ومحاورتهن عند الحاجة إلى ذلك، ولانجيز لهنّ رفع أصواتهن ولا تمطيطها ولا تليينها و تقطيعها؛ لما في ذلك من استمالة الرجال إليهن، وتحريك الشهوات منهم، ومن هذا لم يجز أن تؤذن المرأة ”. (3/72)

فقط واللہ اعلم

فتوی نمبر : 144112201062

دارالافتاء : جامعہ علوم اسلامیہ علامہ محمد یوسف بنوری ٹاؤن

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